Kissed by Karma

I’ve been bad. Well, not so much bad as not very nice. I’ve been bashing a guy behind his back. I’ve tried and tried to dig this man because on paper he’s perfect! He’s very tall, very handsome, never been married, no kids and holding a Doctorate while making 6 figures. And a smile that would melt hard candy. Oh, the kicker: he’s about as much fun as watching paint dry. He’s Dr. McBoring. All my friends agreed he’s socially retarded. And I thought I would be my job to try and bring the fun forth!

“Well, I’m fun. I do plenty of fun activities.” He would proclaim.  Which would be great if he was and he did but he isn’t and he doesn’t.

And speaking of speaking: “Well, maybe I should visit more eclectic establishments.” I swear he talked just like that! Then I realized that anyone that answers the question, “Whatcha up to?” and says, “I’m at the department store trying to find the customer service representative in order to exchange an item I purchased last week.” Just isn’t the guy for me. It was a matter of time before words like per se and prudent would escape the overly verbose Dr. McBoring since he once told me: “You’re logic is flawed”. It may have been but who talks like that?!

As the months and dates progressed I began to worry that he was a male succubus sent to suck the fun from me. I was worried for my fun-soul. In the efforts of self-preservation I began to pull back, literally.

He was interested in kissing after dates. I would do the turn the cheek move but you can only do that twice. Then I moved to the pre-emptive kiss, whereas I would give him a kiss on the cheek goodnight, but once again only a few times can you pull this move. So I began to get creative. Sore throats, horrid sounding coughs and the like.
On the last date he tried once again to give me a kiss. The only thing I could think of was, “Sorry, I have a cold sore.” Yep. I would rather he think I had an active case of the herpes simplex virus than to kiss him.

Here where I’ve learned a thing or two about Karma. A few weeks later, after using my cousin’s lipstick, I got the biggest cold sore on my bottom lip. It was hideously enormous. I had to hide out for a week!

Karma kissed me on my lips for being mean.

Published in: on 11/04/2009 at 18:04  Comments (3)  
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3 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I have a socially awkward friend, too. He is a robot, methinks. I am looking for the button behind his ear that perhaps makes me French toast

    • @ RK: There was no button and sadly he didn’t make French Toast.

  2. It’s probably a personality thing. I am quite a bit like that myself–socially retarded, etc. Oh well.

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